February 16, 2012 § Leave a comment

Day 47.

For a split second I forgot about it all. I forgot about the continual repairs my vehicle keeps crying for. The bad breaks, the minor leaks, the mysterious issues the repair men cannot resolve left my mind. I forgot about that one tooth that has cost me countless dollars to fix. All of the appointments that only led me to other appointments, the months it took just to get those appointments and the bad news at the end of the each appointment seemed to drift away. I forgot about the apartment application that got denied today due to one odd landlord. The whole “not settling” thing is making the apartment and job search a tricky one – my trips down to Chicago becoming a regular, money draining attempt to be in the right place at the right time; all of this too disappeared for that brief second. I forgot about the emotional rollercoaster that I have been on as my rigid mind attempts to be carefree and easy going. Every up and down that occurred in the past few weeks as I have gone from country to suburb to city, every question about life paths and timing and feeling at peace was gone.

For a split second I forgot all about my cares. It was as if I didn’t have a concern in the world. I was in a warm house with family, watching my favorite show, receiving encouraging texts from friends, and everything else had disappeared. And after that split second was over, when thoughts of my health and money and insanity crept back in, I was still smiling. Maybe sometimes everything in life goes crazy all at once, and maybe sometimes I go crazy, and maybe sometimes, for a split second, it is possible to forget it all, yet none of that really matters. At the end of my trip to Chicago, as I return to Michigan to complete the 6 months of excruciatingly long, but really minor dental work, as I head back to have my wiper fluid leak repaired for the third time on my vehicle, as I leave here without a new apartment to return to and only 1 ½ job leads, I feel only slightly defeated and mostly hopeful.

Sometimes, for a split second, I forget that life is more than just my problems. I forget that acne and savings accounts and foreign vehicles and a place to call my own are really not what life is about. For a split second I forget about the things in life that really matter. I forget that laughing with my sister, being an encouraging friend, and making kitties out of play-dough with my nephews is what life is really about. For a split second I forget that, despite all of my problems, I was made for love. And it is then, when I come to, and I can step away from my crazy self, that I remember what this life is all about.


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You are currently reading Forty-Seven at Lost In the Separation.


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