Thirty-Six

February 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

Day 36.

As I was unplugging my laptop from the wall, its screen fading to black and its tired wheels ceasing to spin, I remembered that I had yet to write out my daily venting. I just spent so much time trying to stir up my creative genius so as to write an effective cover letter that I subconsciously assumed I was done for the day.

Cover letters – not at all anything like the lovely hand-written kind of letters that I so enjoy sending off to family and friends. Cover letters – not at all the sort of thing that brings me a sense of artistic expression, such as short stories or blogs. But I have bit the bullet, channeled my professional side, and wrote a cover letter.

The Superbowl is still playing on the television, but I have spent the latter part of it working on tomorrow’s tasks. My late Sunday nap was enjoyed instead of my other leisurely weekend joys. The forest scene on my embroidery project did not get touched – the iron-on deer pattern still threadless. I did not crack open a book or bake something sweet. But I wrote that darn cover letter.

And it all makes me think about productivity and its relative definition. The feeling of being productive does not seem to come from doing what I am supposed to do but rather what I love to do. Most of the time I get it all backwards – I assume that accomplishing the tasks that would make me comparable to other Americans, other woman, other people my age will bring me that fruitful feeling. I end up in routines – mentally, emotionally, and physically – that leave little room for exploring my individuality, taking my own path, or spending time doing the things I love.

However, like cover letters there are things I cannot get away from; things that must be done if I want to make a living, want to stay in shape, and want to live in a clean home. Tonight’s “aha” moment puts me more at ease though as I realize that my feeling of being productive does not always depend on doing what I must. The feeling of productivity can come from a late afternoon nap, the mindless task of organizing the apps on my iPhone, or simply from knowing that I enjoyed my day to its fullest. And on that note I am going to let my laptop screen fade to black and my mind drift off to sleep.

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