Adventures In… ch.53
August 6, 2011 § Leave a comment
He had the longest line trailing from his register at Target. (And anyone who knows me already knows this story – but don’t worry, this is not about a boy or a crush or me being a creeper…if that’s what you’re wanting to read though, feel free to skip this blog post and read all of the other 200 I’ve wrote). Back to the story…
He had the longest line trailing from his register. So I maneuvered my cart into the adjacent line. I stared at the couple’s items ahead of me as they threw them onto the conveyer belt. They started to bicker. “Psh, couples…” I thought to myself. The woman ahead of them was about to pay but decided to debate the price of one of her purchases. “Yeah, this line isn’t going anywhere” I convinced myself as I slyly steered my cart into the cute boy’s line. His line was still much longer, but I justified my move by reassuring myself his line would move much faster. But in all honesty, it was all about his looks.
When it was my turn I handed him my money and he commented on my tattoos after putting my bags into the cart for me. I left the store on cloud nine and so, so, so proud of myself for having put on lipstick prior to leaving my house. As I loaded the bags into my vehicle and pushed the shopping cart into its stall I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d see that guy again. I got into my vehicle and turned on the radio, an AM station (singers and standards, a man singing about the hopefulness of love and wondering if he’d ever see the woman again), and then it occurred to me – for the first time in a week I was in the moment, right where I was supposed to be.
I love those moments where you step away from yourself for a second to see that you’re sitting comfortably in your current emotions and surrounding circumstances; you realize that you are so present nothing else in the world matters. I am currently sitting here trying to come up with a list of people that I know who live effortlessly in the moment. Not many people are coming to mind. Children, they live in the moment…and I have a few friends who live in the moment but mostly to an extreme where it is probably not healthy.
For the past week I have been rushing ahead to December. Living in the future – the worry, the fears, the anticipation -hurts after a while. Maybe that is why that brief second with the cute Target employee felt so perfect. In December I lose my roommate, and instead of packing up my belongings and heading down the street to set up another home in a town I have enjoyed but feel less than excited about I wonder if I should drive my U-haul of belongings to another state. (And anybody who knows me knows that I debate moving away just about every other month…to the point where none of them take me seriously anymore).
That’s how I do it – I just go around knocking on doors and if they don’t open (or if they slam back shut in my face) I keep moving, my path becoming more defined as I go. I can do just about anything I want – move anywhere, set up shop wherever I would like – but that kind of freedom makes me lost. And I am pretty sure God knows this because, well, first of all because I am most certain He knows everything, and because as I wander I can only stray so far before a door shuts and I am gently guided in a different direction. He is letting me make my own choices, but if I pay attention I can tell when He is giving me that look – that “Uh, are you really sure you want to do that?” kind of look.
A dreamy Target employee was just what I needed to pull me back from December and all of the choices I have to make, and the daunting decisions, and the wondering if this is another door that will close in a couple of weeks. Needless to say, the freedom has been addicting, and I did go back to Target the next day after a friend tipped me off to the cute guy’s work schedule. This time his line was empty, and we talked about batteries and the conspiracy theory behind them (yeah, he’s that cool), and when he asked “Didn’t I see you here yesterday?” I blushed.
Today is Saturday, and I could come up with about 20 reasons to run to Target. But I don’t need to. I woke up without an agenda, without worrying about December, without debating going back to college, without questioning my dreams, and without needing a plan. I woke up in the moment, and it feels good.