Adventures In… ch.44

May 18, 2011 § Leave a comment

Adventures In…

Being A Third Wheel.

Hi I’m Single, and I am a third wheel. I am the one who is the subject of the sentence “Oh babe! I know who we can set her up with…” I am the one who inevitably always gets a whole booth to myself (although sometimes I offer to let my dinner guests’ jackets or purse reside in the vacant spot next to me). I am the one who spends considerable amounts of awkward time staring at my phone, at the menu, or out a window. I often talk to myself… I’ve learned to accept it as normal –especially if I am in the backseat of the car. The backseat of the car… If you are a third wheel and happen to find yourself alone in the backseat of the car (you know, that area of space that seems to make you invisible and inaudible) feel free to talk to yourself, sing to yourself, or reapply your makeup. As a third wheel I tend to end up leading the slow-poke love birds through parking lots or into stores and restaurants; they tend to lag behind due to all the hugging and giggling. When you’re a third wheel you have to be pretty confident – confident enough to do things on your own despite the sometimes oblivious pair that is near. When the cell phone comes out and the couple starts taking pictures of themselves doing whatever it is that technically the three of you are doing, you should probably just seize the opportunity to make conversation to the stranger nearest you (the photogenic couple will be a while). Hopefully by the end of the date you have made new friends. If not, I try to make sure I am the first one brought home. Worst case scenario, just start walking. Some things I have found especially helpful: make sure to still dress up(don’t let yourself go, you’ll only feel worse), periodically whip out your phone and ask them to take pictures of you(by yourself), give up on the idea that they are going to set you up with someone that is your type(because at this point they are usually just looking to balance things out…even if this means suggesting a guy that is not yet officially broken up with his current girlfriend), and never be afraid to speak up(with sentences such as “Hey! You guys aren’t paying attention to the road!” or “Hey! You guys aren’t paying attention to me!”). While it is possible to be the third wheel for the rest of your life, it is unlikely. Hi, I’m Single, and I haven’t given up hope just yet.

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