Dating 101: Part 1

April 30, 2011 § Leave a comment

As a general rule, unless a man has done most of the following things then a woman should rightly assume she is NOT being pursued. There seems to be a lot of confusion, particularly amongst Christian young adults, in regards to what the first stages of dating are. Everyone has their own definition of what “dating” is, however I think it is safe to say that there are very basic instinctual ways to pursue a woman. There is nothing to complicate. Dating should be easy and beautiful and not at all as awkward as I have recently seen people try to make it. The male is the pursuer (as nature proves) and the female is to be approachable. Men, be manly men and step it up. Women, stop over thinking everything and take a step back. There, now isn’t that much easier?


To pursue a girl…

  1. Ask her out on a date by using the word “date” OR ask to take her out. Examples include, but are not limited to: “What are you doing Friday night? Would you want to go on a date with me?” “Oh, you like gelato too?! I know this great place. Late me take you there.” “I have never been to that restaurant. You should let me buy you dinner there on Tuesday.” Be specific – name specific places and specific days. Don’t throw the ball in her court – because at this point there really isn’t a court. Do not take her out to coffee – in a lot of scenes(specifically the Christian young adult ones) this is just an obscure way of letting the woman know that not only is there not a court but that you probably don’t have any balls either.
  2. Buy her a simple gift – an orchid from the grocery store, a pound of coffee on your recent road trip, her favorite candy bar, a ticket to an upcoming show. Even if her love language isn’t “gifts” it shows that at some point in time, whether it was earlier in the day or on the trip you took last week, you were thinking about her. Don’t be extravagant. Just pay attention. Take note of the things she likes – listen closely when she orders her coffee, notice the things she points at when she is in the grocery store. If she comments on how pretty the wildflowers are alongside the road then go back the next day, pick them, and bring them to her.
  3. Stay by her side in a group setting. Make it obvious to her that out of all of the people in the room, you would like to make conversation with her/be a part of her conversations. I am not saying you have to follow her everywhere and be a human leech. If she is across the room then make eye contact. Acknowledge her.
  4. Stop by her house. Depending on the woman and the time of day, a phone call or a text message first is necessary. “Hey, I am in your neighborhood and would like to stop by” or “My meeting got done early would it be okay if I came over to say hello?” This form of pursuit is very active in that you are taking initiative to come into her territory.
  5. Do something you do not necessarily enjoy just so you can spend time with her. Let her teach you how to do a crossword puzzle or roam around Target with her. If she needs to run to the grocery store offer to accompany her. This is exceptionally welcomed if the woman has to do something she is not looking forward to (going to the laundry mat, driving a far distance, attending a boring birthday party).
  6. Tell her she looks beautiful. Be a gentleman about it.
  7. Ask her questions about her life. Take interest in getting to know her. This should be an easy one.
  8. Hang out with her friends. Instead of trying to pull her away or get her alone, do things with her when she is with her friends. For further explanation watch the scene in the movie Bridget Jones’s Diary when the “good guy” shows up at Bridgett’s house announced. When he finds out she is throwing a party he not only helps her cook (and essentially saves the day) but he also stays around to hang out with her friends even though he doesn’t know them and appears a bit nervous in their presence.
  9. Pay for her dinner. Whether you have asked her out on a date or you are just eating out together as friends, pay!

*As a side note, if you have NO intention of dating the woman then avoid all of the above. Not to pick on the Christians again, but, a man’s heroic way of making a woman feel special should be reserved for a woman he is actually interested in dating. While respect for women is ALWAYS necessary and NEVER a question, there is a difference between respecting a woman and treating her like a princess. None of the above should be done under the excuse that you want to make your “sister” feel loved. If you have ever found yourself using that excuse then you might need to question your boundaries and also whether or not you are merely using the woman.


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You are currently reading Dating 101: Part 1 at Lost In the Separation.


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