Thoughts On… ch.32
February 26, 2011 § Leave a comment
Enjoying The View.
One of my most favorite views of life is the one I see when I am laughing with loved ones over a table spread with food. In those moments nothing but love resounds – in peoples’ smiles, in the tasty meal, in a God who lavishes us with blessings. Whether it is an intimate meal shared by two or a large group feasting together, I try to sit back and enjoy the view.
Life seems to be filled with a lot of different seasons – some good, some bad. In retrospect they all seem mostly good. Some outlooks cannot be fully understood until they have passed, adding to the positive facet of hardships. I embrace singlehood a lot more this second time around. While looking at the single life from a married woman’s point of view I realized a lot that I had overlooked.
Knowing what it is like to be married I have taken this second stride at singlehood a bit differently. And it has been a lot less than perfect; I have made some mistakes, and have had to learn many lessons in the past couple of years. Maybe divorce set me back with the damage it did, however, I know that the marital viewpoint I experienced has been to my advantage as I re-live life as a bachelorette.
Or maybe my viewpoints of singlehood, marriage, and divorce are all jumbled up, and I no longer think as clearly as I should. Maybe I think too hard about dating because I prematurely imagine the other person’s toothbrush next to mine. I know what it is like to share a bed, to share a bank account, to share holidays, and when I find myself crushing on a boy, these things are running through my mind. I do not just question whether I think a boy is cute or manly or compatible with me, but also whether or not he is the one I want to grocery shop with, pester to get the oil changed, or do laundry for. It makes things quite confusing, and at this point I am undecided as to whether I believe this view is fully to my benefit.
When I talk to single people about marriage I feel that they are generally clueless and set up for quite the surprise. That first year of marriage, oh that first year of marriage…. Sometimes being oblivious is bliss I suppose. I like when single people try to tell me what marriage is and isn’t, there are times when I wish their naivety would rub off and give me a more open view of dating.
I am not speaking merely of negativity! If single people knew the greatness of marriage I am pretty sure there would be very few left wandering around alone. But even in those positives do I find myself thinking really hard about the commitment of marriage and what kind of man I want to make that commitment with.
Then again, what choice of season do I have really? To accept the fact that I do not control the fate of my love life is difficult. But it is true, we cannot control another person’s heart or feelings or decisions, and it inevitably takes two to form a relationship. And how much control do I have in making someone cross my path? It seems that the only bit of control I have is to keep my eyes from overlooking the great men in front of me.
Whether I am sitting at the dining room table with the love of my life or congregated in a kitchen full of restless, single people, I enjoy life. Before I know it, it will all change again and everything will look completely different.
To my fellow single people, know that soon you will find yourself lying warmly next to your most perfect mate, and this view of singlehood will seem silly and fade away without you even realizing it. And until that most blessed day do not hesitate to go on dates, do not over-think or take things so seriously, and let go quickly and quietly when your love is unreturned knowing that there is someone out there who will do anything to be with you and soon you will find each other.