Thoughts On… ch.28

November 27, 2010 § Leave a comment

Thoughts On…

An Ocean.

Take me to an ocean and set me free. Let the breeze scoop me up and push me away. Away: far from the solid ground, far from the balance I so waveringly keep, to the place where the horizon naively seems so near. I’ll stay away, once I figure out how to get there. You’ll stand and wave, claiming to have known me all along. Your vagueness to your convenience, my over analyzing to my grave. I want a third, fourth, fifth, sixteenth chance to prove the misconceptions all wrong. You keep waving. You haven’t stopped since we met. Is there a method to the lingering? I am looking for the beauty in this art, but disappointed once more. I’ve chased your path a hundred times, your trail narrowing with age, and I wonder as the season passes quicker this time. Don’t ruthlessly continue to lead. Don’t leave me cold. I’ll be free on that ocean where you can’t reach me. I’ll be warm on that ocean where you cannot leave me. I will paint my own picture and throw method to the wind. I will float along as if being a woman meant being me… without you. I will have a new word and a new purpose. I will have a new hope that forgets uncertainty and harm, a new hope that won’t have to say “the next one will be it.” I will write letters proving my survival. And in your short sightedness you will read only what you want. I won’t be there to dig up a story; I won’t be there to tell you what you want to hear. I will be far away on my ocean, and I will forget our differences. I won’t know this divide or ponder its depths. I won’t be able to make mistakes or get lost in your motives. It will be impossible to blame myself for not understanding. I will find new pastimes and other quandaries to go on about. And when the sun sets I will find peace. The night will fall and stars will entertain me. I will forget all about you. On that ocean I will be free.


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