Thoughts On… ch.25
November 13, 2010 § Leave a comment
Why My Over Thinking Is Not A Product Of Desperation.
Let me try and not prove something here. In my many attempts at vulnerability I have never done so out of desperation. Yet there are those times when I say too much (of what everyone else wants to say but won’t) and someone finds me desperate. Or maybe I am imagined as someone who anxiously bites their nails in hopes that all of my life’s questions will be answered in a day. Maybe I have made a bad first impression.
Let the record show that I do not bite my nails. In fact, those said nails are painted a dark shade of maroon (aptly titled “Hypnotized”), and type at a fast rate not burdened by angst or self piety. And those same fingers on occasion try to whimsically write in hopes of proving that I don’t care what others think…(but in trying to prove anything I obviously in some way(s) care).
The other day I said a bit too much in explanation of my theories on dating and Christians and Christians who don’t want to date but seem to rather want the heavens to part and drop down the perfect mate (which is fine…for some people). And in trying to explain my ideas on the subject and my somewhat frustration at Christian males who seem to think that courting and pursuing girls is not necessary I was bluntly cut off. Somewhere in between explaining the beauty of solid friendships and “The Ultimate Top Five Worst Christian Pick-Up Lines” this person seemed to have me “figured out” to be a lonely, over thinking, desperate sort of nearly-thirty.
While there may be aspects of me that seem lonely or desperate, my vulnerability all but whithers away when I realize I am perceived to be a lot worse off than I am. As I tried to dig myself out of a hole that included everything but a funeral procession, I was mocked in my attempts.
I dusted myself off as I left the grave, trying to figure out if this person was on to something. Was this it? Was my humor a mere mask that I hid my desperation behind? Was my over thinking done subconsciously in attempts to fuel a loneliness that I found eerily comforting?
Every now and then I will find myself buried in situations way too over analyzed, and sometimes I realize I have put far too much thought into one miniscule thing. But I am pretty certain that my enjoyment of life is a significant sign that I do not live out a desperate existence. In fact, it is the sweet bliss I find in cooking and crossword puzzles and dancing around in my pajamas that not only disproves the desperation theory of others but points to the greatness that my life already is.
I cannot help but to over think the little things that I for so long over looked. I learned the hard way that life is way too short to not give notice to the odd intricacies that make it all so amusing. While others may find it perfectly well to breeze on through life or to keep their thoughts to themselves I choose not to. And that does not make me any more or less desperate then the next person.
That being said, I will proceed without hesitation or fear that future theories with titles such as “How To Be Cool” and “Why I Need A Man (…To Shoot Me A Deer)” will be misconstrued in a way that paints me as pathetic or anxious or even desperate. And that being said, for all who are wondering…
“The Ultimate Top Five Worst Christian Pick-Up Lines”
- “God told me I was going to find my spouse soon…”
- “Wanna go get a cup of coffee sometime?”
- “Hey there, what’s your love language?”
- “Have you ever heard of the book ‘I’ve Kissed Dating Goodbye’?”
- “So…what’s your purity plan?”
And that being said, for those of you who are wondering…
“Things Christians Should Say To Someone They Like”
- “Can I take you out for dinner?”
- “You’re really beautiful/handsome.”
- “I like you.”
- “I have a lot of fun when I’m with you.”
“Will you go out with me Friday night?”